Mommy Fail.

Parenthood is hard.

Like really, really hard.

To be completely responsible for some one's life is a little intimidating. o.k. a lot intimidating.


I don't think you can fully understand the overwhelming difficulty and pressure of it until you experience it. At least I didn't.


It is constant, whether they are sleeping, sitting right next to you, or a million miles away, they are your first priority. All you want is to do a good job.


They are your reason for getting up, for staying up too late, for well everything.


I, like most parents, would not take anything for my child.


Yesterday, though, was a rough one.


Brady has recently decided he wants to potty "like a boy" and stand up.


Yeah, this can't be going in a good direction.


He has been doing fine, his aim is not great, but it has been improving.


Well, yesterday twice within an hour or two he went to the bathroom, took off his clothes, and peed in the floor. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE TOILET. not in the direction of the potty, not like poor aim, like a puddle in the floor next to the toilet.


The first time I let it slide. The second time, I began to get frustrated, asked a lot of questions, and did quite a bit of fussing. He said he did it because he wanted to and when I asked if it was an accident or on purpose. He said on purpose.


Either he really did it on purpose or he doesn't know what on purpose means.


Any who, we came up with a punishment for if it happened again. I informed him in my best calm, but stern mommy voice, if it happens again, I will take away his movies until he can pee pee in the potty.


He showed understanding and repeated the offense and consequences back to me a couple of times clearly.


Within an hour or so, Brady returned to me with a clean pair of pants, and said, I need to wear these. Of course, I asked why. He didn't have much to say. I asked if he pee peed in the floor to which he replied "yes, but don't take away my movies".


Oh really!


I lost it! Here I was feeling guilty for coming down so hard on him because he is just 2.5, and he comes to me obviously understanding what he is doing. I yelled, stomped around, snatched up movies, packed them away, fussed, and I am not completely sure what else. I was so mad at him.


 Mommy Fail.


Brady cried and repeated I sorry and Yes Ma'am after every outburst. He didn't look frightened, just like, uh oh this is serious.


I cleaned up the mess and got him situated. Then, I poured myself a Mt. Dew, it is the strongest thing we have in the house, turned on his Veggie Tales music in his room, demanded he stay in his room and play for a while, and hid in the computer room and prayed until I could get it together.


The rest of the night I felt horrible. I had completely lost control. Once Caleb got home, I had Brady explain why he was in so much trouble and what happened. He told him everything, that he pee peed in the floor 3 times and that mommy took his movies away and he should pee pee in the potty.


It took away a small fraction of the guilt, at least he understood what was going on. But still.


Before bed, I apologized to Brady for losing my temper and Caleb had him apologize to me. It was sweet and we were able to sleep well.


Today has been much better. The deal is he can earn a movie back a day by not having any accidents on himself. He seems to get it and like I said, today has been much better.


The great thing about little ones is that they don't hold grudges the way we do. Brady has more than moved on.


It is like it never happened.


I am certain their is a reason for that. 


That, my friends,  is why God is the designer and not me.


Happy Parenting!